I asked Terence, "What are the most 3 needs for a young people in your age?"
He said, "I would like to reply by telling what are the 3 most important things to me now."
"They are (1) future prospect, (2) love and (3) art creation."
I could understand the last two but asked him to elaborate what does he mean for future prospect.
"How could I work well with others? How could I work under other people's idea and expectations? How could I express my idea in a group clearly?........"
I remember Terence told me when he was 15 that "It is very important for a young teenager to know his passion = his identity." Thus, he was a youg adult loving music. Now, I found he has grown up in a way that he starts to sense the existence of others. It is not alright that he has his great passion and putting all his life, all his strength and all his time in his single passion. Being a mature person, he has to go independent with earning ability to take care his own life and others, he could work along with others in a harmony and inter-building environment. I could feel that his beginning of this awarness makes him not happy for seeing the reality that he is not having such ability and capacity . Yet, I feel happy for him as this painful awareness triggers his needs for growth with understanding. It is something a call from his inner-self awakening. He has his innate ability to help him to break through this cocoon. There will be time of pain and sadness. Such pain will be his spring board for growing in to a mature person.
Showing posts with label Terence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Terence. Show all posts
Thursday, March 05, 2009
The Real World
Terence is 18 and in his year 1 of the undergraduate course. He is quiet. Today, he said:
"I could see the real world is poor and difficult."
"When I was in SIS, the classmates around me were rich. Now, I found one of my friends is studying university with the government grant; another one has started to work when he was 12 and now still earning 20 dollars an hour; his sister could not study well, I mean far behind the average, the father is a gambler...... The real world I am seeing now is so different. It also reflects my inmaturity."
"I was brought up in a family with much safety where I did not need to struggle to alive. My friend's father was with the triad society and she was not well taken care by her mother when she was small. Then, through out her childhool, she searched her life on her own. She is much mature and independent. Of course, she also lost her childhood happiness."
"I am now encountering the real world meeting people in poverty, with father from triad society and addidicted to gambling, low earning ability, not educated......running a tough and difficult lives."
I could see Terence is having his empathy on those people who are in a more difficult lives. He does not feel good about the gap of the reality between rich and poor. He appreciates the independence and AQ maturity of those young people. Contrary, he discovers his weakness in life survival comparing with them. That unfolds his inmaturity, his weakness in understanding and communicating with others, his relationship building capacity........
"I belong to the photography society and went for their new working member committee election. I found some people are very outstanding in telling people how they could contribute for other. I did not say anything or I did not know what to say and express myself. Finally, I decided not to take up any post there."
Terence felt sad about his leadership in a group.
"I have two friends who are having such leadership but could also able to have and express themselves. One is in the Year 4. I like to get along with them and feel very comfortable."
"I am a kind of childlike (with an exprimental heart) during my brought up and able to express who I am. However, I an not able to intergrate myself with others as a group of society in sharing each other's idea. I dont know how to work on others' idea. Thus, I am immature in the real world. However, in contrary my creation in art requires such childlike passion. It's a dialenma."
"My classmates who are from local high school are found lacking of understanding and expression of themselves in their artwork creation. I just do a creation as a work."
"I could see the real world is poor and difficult."
"When I was in SIS, the classmates around me were rich. Now, I found one of my friends is studying university with the government grant; another one has started to work when he was 12 and now still earning 20 dollars an hour; his sister could not study well, I mean far behind the average, the father is a gambler...... The real world I am seeing now is so different. It also reflects my inmaturity."
"I was brought up in a family with much safety where I did not need to struggle to alive. My friend's father was with the triad society and she was not well taken care by her mother when she was small. Then, through out her childhool, she searched her life on her own. She is much mature and independent. Of course, she also lost her childhood happiness."
"I am now encountering the real world meeting people in poverty, with father from triad society and addidicted to gambling, low earning ability, not educated......running a tough and difficult lives."
I could see Terence is having his empathy on those people who are in a more difficult lives. He does not feel good about the gap of the reality between rich and poor. He appreciates the independence and AQ maturity of those young people. Contrary, he discovers his weakness in life survival comparing with them. That unfolds his inmaturity, his weakness in understanding and communicating with others, his relationship building capacity........
"I belong to the photography society and went for their new working member committee election. I found some people are very outstanding in telling people how they could contribute for other. I did not say anything or I did not know what to say and express myself. Finally, I decided not to take up any post there."
Terence felt sad about his leadership in a group.
"I have two friends who are having such leadership but could also able to have and express themselves. One is in the Year 4. I like to get along with them and feel very comfortable."
"I am a kind of childlike (with an exprimental heart) during my brought up and able to express who I am. However, I an not able to intergrate myself with others as a group of society in sharing each other's idea. I dont know how to work on others' idea. Thus, I am immature in the real world. However, in contrary my creation in art requires such childlike passion. It's a dialenma."
"My classmates who are from local high school are found lacking of understanding and expression of themselves in their artwork creation. I just do a creation as a work."
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Terence's first full meal serving
While Wait, our domestic helping has been working for us for 12 years is planning to depart for a new job, Terence initiated that we should not employ a new maid. Instead, he will responsible for cooking dinner. Then, he started learning the "Tomato with fried egg" - very good.
Today, he even made a full meal for us. We had:
Today, he even made a full meal for us. We had:
- fried rice with shallot, union, carrot and susage. just nice and perfect.
- tofu blended with pineapple as dessert. right natural sweety.
I really appreciate his effort. Moreover, he sounds could be a good chef - cooking with soul and heart.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Game and Life
Terence is going to his 18th birthday in next month. What does it mean to him?
I recall when Terence was 10 years old, he was passionately playing with the "Three Kingdom三國演義" TV game, he told me that whoever the game character he choose to be (曹操 or 劉備 or 孫權), his counter player is the computer (he means the rule designed within the game). What a great insight.
He also told me that it does not mean powerful if you keep on fighting in war. What the most important is to building up your balanced self (keep them for yourself both mentally and ohysically), choose a good advisor (諸葛亮)，train your soldiers, purchase good weapon, ready enough foodstuff when war fighting and make fair renumeration to your solders etc...... What a balanced insight.
Even upto today I feel Terence's insight is amazing. Today when Ben told me about implementing an computer game on how to manage a company in his work, I told Ben that as Terence said, the clue is not focusing on what ranking you are now among the 8 players. Instead, you should focus to play with the game designer.
This converstion helped me to think further that we should not see where we are positioning in the worldly society because it will only gives you illusion, pressure and unhealthy competitive thoughts. Instead, I would rather focus my life on how to co-work with God because he created us as the game designer created the game. He knows the game the best.
I recall when Terence was 10 years old, he was passionately playing with the "Three Kingdom三國演義" TV game, he told me that whoever the game character he choose to be (曹操 or 劉備 or 孫權), his counter player is the computer (he means the rule designed within the game). What a great insight.
He also told me that it does not mean powerful if you keep on fighting in war. What the most important is to building up your balanced self (keep them for yourself both mentally and ohysically), choose a good advisor (諸葛亮)，train your soldiers, purchase good weapon, ready enough foodstuff when war fighting and make fair renumeration to your solders etc...... What a balanced insight.
Even upto today I feel Terence's insight is amazing. Today when Ben told me about implementing an computer game on how to manage a company in his work, I told Ben that as Terence said, the clue is not focusing on what ranking you are now among the 8 players. Instead, you should focus to play with the game designer.
This converstion helped me to think further that we should not see where we are positioning in the worldly society because it will only gives you illusion, pressure and unhealthy competitive thoughts. Instead, I would rather focus my life on how to co-work with God because he created us as the game designer created the game. He knows the game the best.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
I asked these questions.
Today I had a good fellowship with Ah Lun who came to my home for a little design job I request for his help. While we were enjoying the lunch together, I asked these questions:
- Did you get right resouces from church to help you in the teens ministry? Is it only a matter of number of workers or else? asked but waiting
- Do the observer-teens (Terence, Joushua, Peter, Genesis, Miko and Michelle from the Kids Kingdom) who are attending the church but without attaching to any Bible Talk and having immediate initiative to study bible considered as the family member of this church? Or are they just one of the visitors? a striking question
- If you need help in contributing yourself better in the teens ministry, what do you need? - a direction
I came to recognize that when leader change, the direction and the approaching format may also change which creates disconnection and inconsistency to workers and the members.
I came to aware that If the parents, the helpers, the leaders are not fully enjoying the church relationship, how could we inspire our children to become a disciple.
I came to notice that if a ministry helper is not being inspired in his serving, how could he inspires the teens. Less business creates more spiritual focus.
Change Doing to Being.........please
Monday, June 11, 2007
Son, thanks for telling me.
“Mom, I was bombarded with Bible in today’s lunch.” Terence told me after he had lunch with a group of good helpers in the teens ministry. Michelle and Miko were there as well but have enjoyed very much the fellowship with Eva and other girls, including Ha Yu.
“Why it is a problem to you?” I asked.
“Talking about Bible or asking whether I want to study Bible is OK for once a while but not in every lunch.”
“Are they helping you to clarify some points instead of bombard you? Or does it reflect there is a fear within you?”
“This is also what they told me that may be I take the matter too seriously. Just be open and give myself a start may help.” Terence continued, “I know what they mean except I don’t want to lie to myself that I don’t have such motivation now.”
“Does it mean the teens from outside who never attended the church (say Kids Kingdom) are making a wrong choice to become a disciple?” I am curious to know what is underlying Terence’s perception in this matter.
“No, I do not mean that. Since they have never encountered church or Bible before, it is a life change for them, something good for them. However, being in church for too long time, I cannot see the change for me.”
Terence’s statement opened up my eyes in perceiving why our teens are stuck. They might feel they know well already, or they are so used to the format of operations and theory. Thus, a fresh and striking conviction is covered by the so called “I know” knowledge and routine behavior.
I think Terence is right that as I see the same thing in mature disciples. Here are the points that we could explore deeper:
WHY: Is it a matter of prideful-ness that when we are so familiar with something. We lose the sense of excitement and curiosity? Is God’s wisdom so limited? Or are we not creative enough to learn from God? Are we not well utilizing God’s imprinted creativeness within us when he created us?
WHAT is the clue: Will there be any catalyst to break the ice? Encouragement? Challenge? Leadership? Inspiration? Modeling?........What kind of environment helps triggering or building their positive desire in searching God?
“Terence, how could I help you?” I asked.
“Nothing!”
“Am I doing what I am doing now is helpful to you in searching God?”
“Yes.”
I have aware that there is nothing I could help him but himself. Yes, God does not want me to solely DO something to help transforming my son to be a disciple. I do not have such power. This is God’s graceful will and he is always well taking care of it in his timing with Terence. Am I having FAITH of this to be happened? It sounds that the most important clue in how I co-work with God. If I do not have such faith, how could my son feels I am a faithful disciple? Then, he will never follow something that I am not for sure.
HOW : Give them a sense of belongings; Give them a role to play in realizing their self-identity and spiritual responsibility; Give them a sense of pride of being God’s children; From there to confirm their identification and importance as part of the body and in Christ; Reinforce their beings are important to their and others’ lives; Identify how they could contribute and make the kingdom Kodash…………
“Why it is a problem to you?” I asked.
“Talking about Bible or asking whether I want to study Bible is OK for once a while but not in every lunch.”
“Are they helping you to clarify some points instead of bombard you? Or does it reflect there is a fear within you?”
“This is also what they told me that may be I take the matter too seriously. Just be open and give myself a start may help.” Terence continued, “I know what they mean except I don’t want to lie to myself that I don’t have such motivation now.”
“Does it mean the teens from outside who never attended the church (say Kids Kingdom) are making a wrong choice to become a disciple?” I am curious to know what is underlying Terence’s perception in this matter.
“No, I do not mean that. Since they have never encountered church or Bible before, it is a life change for them, something good for them. However, being in church for too long time, I cannot see the change for me.”
Terence’s statement opened up my eyes in perceiving why our teens are stuck. They might feel they know well already, or they are so used to the format of operations and theory. Thus, a fresh and striking conviction is covered by the so called “I know” knowledge and routine behavior.
I think Terence is right that as I see the same thing in mature disciples. Here are the points that we could explore deeper:
WHY: Is it a matter of prideful-ness that when we are so familiar with something. We lose the sense of excitement and curiosity? Is God’s wisdom so limited? Or are we not creative enough to learn from God? Are we not well utilizing God’s imprinted creativeness within us when he created us?
WHAT is the clue: Will there be any catalyst to break the ice? Encouragement? Challenge? Leadership? Inspiration? Modeling?........What kind of environment helps triggering or building their positive desire in searching God?
“Terence, how could I help you?” I asked.
“Nothing!”
“Am I doing what I am doing now is helpful to you in searching God?”
“Yes.”
I have aware that there is nothing I could help him but himself. Yes, God does not want me to solely DO something to help transforming my son to be a disciple. I do not have such power. This is God’s graceful will and he is always well taking care of it in his timing with Terence. Am I having FAITH of this to be happened? It sounds that the most important clue in how I co-work with God. If I do not have such faith, how could my son feels I am a faithful disciple? Then, he will never follow something that I am not for sure.
HOW : Give them a sense of belongings; Give them a role to play in realizing their self-identity and spiritual responsibility; Give them a sense of pride of being God’s children; From there to confirm their identification and importance as part of the body and in Christ; Reinforce their beings are important to their and others’ lives; Identify how they could contribute and make the kingdom Kodash…………
Friday, March 30, 2007
A process of choices for University
I am happy to be the mediator between Terence and his Dad in narrowing their gap in the choices of University.
Terence originally wanted to further his study in Japan or UK. His innocent reason is "I studied Primary school, Secondary school in HK and later likely to work in Hong Kong too. If I don't get the chance of studying University in overseas, my life will end up all the time in Hong Kong. " "I just want to study media, audio production and etc. but not other subjects." After some researches, Terence concludes that he wants to stay in HK for one year and study in CityU (Creative Media) so that he can continue some of his underground music commitment. Then, he may like to continue his Media Arts study in Canada. He finally well aware that studying in UK is 3 times more expensive than Canada and HK where he can pay the Home fee instead of International fee.
On the other hand, Ben thinks, "You must study hard and get in to a (well-)known university. Which subject to study is not important." Result! Result and Result again! Therefore, Ben wants Terence to get in to either HKU or HKUST for the undergraduate course and if possible later to finish his Master Degree in overseas.
One evening, Ben met with KC at the MTR station and they chat about their sons' further study and found to have a common view - study in a good university is the basic.
Below are the summary of choices Terence may pursue in the upcoming months:
Hong Kong
HKU – Fine Arts (Arts) or Psychology (Social Science)
CU – Psychology (Social Science)
CityU – Creative Media (Media)
UHKST – only available to one Business course because most require Maths ( not appropriate)
Canada
York University/Sheridan College Joint Program (Fine Arts cum Media Arts)
York University (Fine Arts – Film/Music/Visual)
U of Toronto/Sheridan College Joint Program, CCIT (Communications, Culture, Information and technology)
Terence originally wanted to further his study in Japan or UK. His innocent reason is "I studied Primary school, Secondary school in HK and later likely to work in Hong Kong too. If I don't get the chance of studying University in overseas, my life will end up all the time in Hong Kong. " "I just want to study media, audio production and etc. but not other subjects." After some researches, Terence concludes that he wants to stay in HK for one year and study in CityU (Creative Media) so that he can continue some of his underground music commitment. Then, he may like to continue his Media Arts study in Canada. He finally well aware that studying in UK is 3 times more expensive than Canada and HK where he can pay the Home fee instead of International fee.
On the other hand, Ben thinks, "You must study hard and get in to a (well-)known university. Which subject to study is not important." Result! Result and Result again! Therefore, Ben wants Terence to get in to either HKU or HKUST for the undergraduate course and if possible later to finish his Master Degree in overseas.
One evening, Ben met with KC at the MTR station and they chat about their sons' further study and found to have a common view - study in a good university is the basic.
Below are the summary of choices Terence may pursue in the upcoming months:
Hong Kong
HKU – Fine Arts (Arts) or Psychology (Social Science)
CU – Psychology (Social Science)
CityU – Creative Media (Media)
UHKST – only available to one Business course because most require Maths ( not appropriate)
Canada
York University/Sheridan College Joint Program (Fine Arts cum Media Arts)
York University (Fine Arts – Film/Music/Visual)
U of Toronto/Sheridan College Joint Program, CCIT (Communications, Culture, Information and technology)
Monday, March 19, 2007
Learn how to respond/react to chao
I have understood my love to Terence is by "Patience in Love" in order to respond to his "Empty in Spirit" rebellious to parents and God.
To react, I will certainly:
To react, I will certainly:
- feeling disappointed;
- discouraged;
- anxiety or anger
- lost etc.....
To respond, I did:
- said "sorry" to the school teacher and request their understanding of his unintention in violating school rule;
- asked for help in maintaining his school progress during the period of absence from school;
- checked with the school whether Terence has honestly spoke up the causes.
And at last, I asked desparately for help from God:
- How could I help Terence in this case;
- What does it mean to Terence and me for the happening of this case;
- Thanks God for given me and Terence a lesson to learn, and what is it be specific and all about?
- How could this case could become a valuable turnaround point for Terence in his future adult life?
- What scripture is right to support his heart to repent and restore in Christ?
- Who should I talk to in order to calm down my feelings?
- How to explain the course to Ben, and what will he react?
Terence went to sleep over a Clavin's home at Tung Chung on last Saturday. Clavin is Terence's friend in SIS and went to US to pursue his high school two years ago. Clavin and Terence became good friends to each other because Terence was well taking care Clavin when he was burried by others in SIS.
Surprisingly, Terence returned home with a bull head. He shaved all his hair off. Of course I was astonished with his decision but still want him to take his own responsibility and consequence. I could feel that he also found regret for he originally just wanted to have the hair cut very very short but not bull. Only until late Sunday evening, he recognized that there may be some punishment from the school.
I received a call from his teacher right after lunch with Annisa, Sany and Mom at Festival Walk in Kowloon Tong. Teacher said that they have to send Terence home until his hair comes out again (this Thursdau).
This is the second time Terence made big mistake. I thought his act of this time is lacking consideration on the condequence of whichever he made a decision or an act. Last time he was drunk and hurt his head by playing basket ball. What he learned last time was not to drink and drunk because that will make his mind unclear. What did he learn from this time?
As a mother, what did I learn as well?
- I came to understand how teenagers are acting witout deep thoughts on the consequence.
- I came to understand that a deep and self-awakening learning requires a suffering.
- To the teenager that may be a suffering and to the people around him is a matter of disturbance and hurt which requires lots of understanding, patience and acceptance. If there comes a real repentance, people around will be joyful for the future of that teenage.
- I came to understand that if one cannot learn anything from the lesson, he then indeed hurting himself and people around.
- I came to understand that anything happenings have its own reason and timing, learn how to respond calmly is better than react fiercely.
- I came to understand how much I had hurt my parents when I was young too.
- I came to understand how God has forgiven my sins.
- I came to understanding how much I need God so as my children for their lives.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Where are my children?
Terence:
Where is he now?
Where is he now?
- he went to church with me since he was 1 year old in Canada, then after we moved back to HK, 3 years to the Taikooshing church and 8 years in the hkcoc.
- he is in the teens ministry since Sep 2005
- he goes to Sunday Service consistently but without participating in any BT and group QT
- his best friends in the church are Peter and Joshua (boys) and Miko and Michelle (girls)
- he is not close to the teens' disciples because he sees the others are too serious in ministry, school studying and else (he claims that there is no fun and freedom)
- he neither read Bible nor pray by himself
- since 2006, he stopped meal prayers for the family
How could I assist him to get close to God: (WHY - WHAT - HOW)
- Lawrence suggested me to get some Christian books for him to read
- I reviewed his rebellious: prideful (empty in spirit) and needs to learn humility
- Humility comes from the awareness of the Greatness of God and the smallness of himself
- I need to bring him humble in God's Power >> Surender, and HOW?
- I need to seek advise first...........(to be con't)
Michelle :
Where is she now?
- she goes to church since she was born
- she goes to hkcoc for 8 years already
- she is now in the teens ministry since Nov 2006
- she has just started her bible study with Renee and Clara but not stable
- she does not ready bible in her normal life
- she does prayer faithfully before every meals and sleep
- her best friend in church is Miko and she gets along well with most of the aunties and uncles
How could I assist her to get close to God: (WHY - WHAT - HOW)
- I reviewed her rebellious: ingratitude (I deserve better) and needs to learn gratefulness
- Gratefulness comes from the awareness of God's Grace and one's limitation (5K + 5K servant)
- Submissive to stand in God's Grace creates a pure movtivate in total acceptance, and HOW?
Above all, prayer is the first of everything. May God set His plan for my children. Amen!
Monday, February 26, 2007
What is Rebellious?
Proverb 17:11 says:
"An evil man is bent only on rebellion; a merciless official will be sent against him" (NIV)
"Evil people seek rebellion, but they will be severly punished." (NIL)
There were many rebellious examples in the Bible:
In our daily lives, "rebellious" is mostly used in describing teensagers. As a mom of two teendages; 17 years old boy and 14 years old girl, what I could learn from them? Neither Terence nor Michelle are of any extreme cases, I think herewith are something that I have learned from their lives.
Terence's rebellious period was during 15 to 16 yeards old. His symptom was on giving up of his own self-appearance. At that time, he led a band with his classmates. He was very hard working in learning guitar skills, composing songs, writing lyrics, editing effects and etc. He has had a dream to motivate his band to realize the output of songs for expressing himself or his views about the world for the success of the team. Underlying, he also had a good will in giving an identity to his friends of being a passionate young man by devoting to music.
Yet, his time conflicts between music and study, his immaturity in understanding and managing people, his innocent desire from the self-egoism and his low self-esteem accumulated in the past closetted him in to a slumps of frustration and struggles with no way out. I could see that was the boiling point for his rebellious period. He was lonely, strengthless and full of feeling of failures. There stagged his sense of refusal. He refused to do hair cut, he refused to shampoo his hair, he refused to wear properly to school, he refused to talk to his parents.......he closed up himself............
"foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child" (Proverbs 22:15), a child left to himself brings shame—he is bound to get into trouble if his training is haphazard or undirected, or if he is not drilled or disciplined. Yes, it was very true. Terence's school teacher said to me in his Year 10 Parents Night, "Don't you feel shame about your son?" Yes, I do, I do but what I could do?????
I learned from God of His patience in love to me for my surrender and repentance. I believe it's God's training to Terence to guiding him to let go his egoism and selfishness to become a young adult who has patience, respect and love on others and himself. I did not give him up for his rebellious. Instead, I patiently walked through the path with him silently with prayers and gentle reminding carings.
I found he has ended his rebellious period at the end of 16 years old. Now he is 17 and is heading for another path of his life. How could I know?
Terence said:
"An evil man is bent only on rebellion; a merciless official will be sent against him" (NIV)
"Evil people seek rebellion, but they will be severly punished." (NIL)
There were many rebellious examples in the Bible:
- Numbers 16:3 - This is an example of a person who is dissatisfied with what he has and stirs up others because of his Ingratitude for what God had given him already.The consequences of Korah's "taking action" are clear: God destroyed all these who rose up against Moses and Aaron—against Him. Does this pattern look familiar? It should. It is the age-old and oft-repeated sin of pride manifesting itself in ingratitude.
- Proverbs 29:15 - An example from the life of David illustrates this proverb. "And [Adonijah's] father had not rebuked him at any time by saying, 'Why have you done so?' David, though a man after God's own heart, did not take an active hand in teaching Adonijah. In this verse God states why Adonijah rebelled. In essence, David actually encouraged his son to rebel by not taking an interest in rearing him. David failed to train him in the way he should go, so that he would not depart from it. Instead, David trained him in a way that was bound to produce rebellion. This flaw of David's shows up in others of his children: Absalom, Amnon, and others. It does not matter whether one is a child of God having His Spirit or not. If a parent does not carry through with the right kind of training, then the results will surface in his children.
- Matthew 21:28-32 - contains the story of two sons, one who said he would not do the work his father asked of him, yet did, and another who promised to work, but did not.Jesus may have taken the theme of this parable from Isaiah 5:1-7, which some commentators call "The Song of the Vineyard." God pictures Israel and Judah as a vineyard. He does all He can for them, planting, protecting, and feeding them, but instead of the vineyard producing wonderful grapes, it produces wild grapes that are good for nothing.
In our daily lives, "rebellious" is mostly used in describing teensagers. As a mom of two teendages; 17 years old boy and 14 years old girl, what I could learn from them? Neither Terence nor Michelle are of any extreme cases, I think herewith are something that I have learned from their lives.
Terence's rebellious period was during 15 to 16 yeards old. His symptom was on giving up of his own self-appearance. At that time, he led a band with his classmates. He was very hard working in learning guitar skills, composing songs, writing lyrics, editing effects and etc. He has had a dream to motivate his band to realize the output of songs for expressing himself or his views about the world for the success of the team. Underlying, he also had a good will in giving an identity to his friends of being a passionate young man by devoting to music.
Yet, his time conflicts between music and study, his immaturity in understanding and managing people, his innocent desire from the self-egoism and his low self-esteem accumulated in the past closetted him in to a slumps of frustration and struggles with no way out. I could see that was the boiling point for his rebellious period. He was lonely, strengthless and full of feeling of failures. There stagged his sense of refusal. He refused to do hair cut, he refused to shampoo his hair, he refused to wear properly to school, he refused to talk to his parents.......he closed up himself............
"foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child" (Proverbs 22:15), a child left to himself brings shame—he is bound to get into trouble if his training is haphazard or undirected, or if he is not drilled or disciplined. Yes, it was very true. Terence's school teacher said to me in his Year 10 Parents Night, "Don't you feel shame about your son?" Yes, I do, I do but what I could do?????
I learned from God of His patience in love to me for my surrender and repentance. I believe it's God's training to Terence to guiding him to let go his egoism and selfishness to become a young adult who has patience, respect and love on others and himself. I did not give him up for his rebellious. Instead, I patiently walked through the path with him silently with prayers and gentle reminding carings.
I found he has ended his rebellious period at the end of 16 years old. Now he is 17 and is heading for another path of his life. How could I know?
Terence said:
- Mom, now I recognize HK$100 bill is just a small money;
- I want to become a movie director but I know this career is difficult to make a living at the beginning. Will you support me?
- I would like to study aboard;
- I want to cut short my hair;
- I begin to teach Year 8 students guitar for free;
- I am the organizer for a charity show in the school;
- Elders are better not to live alone or in a aged home as their mind, body and emotions will deteriorating in a such a routine and without fresh stimulation mode;
- Should I have a gap year before the university?
- Parents should not spoil their children without discipline because that will harm their courageous to encounter difficulties;
- If I could not live on a life as a farmer, I would not deserve a live of today;
- Take a 6-hour part time job right after school is quite harsh for the body.........
These days, Ben also begins to appreciate Terence's talent in music and media.
Michelle is always having a good girl image at home and outside. Yet, she has her way of rebellious. These days, she keeps on asking for changing school: from local school back to international school. She began to criticize school's policies; frequent teachers changes; low English standard of some teachers...........
Well, what is underlying her heart and mind? Instead of the subtle expression as Terence did, Michelle is in a more compelling mode. Her self-egoism in individual thinking tingles her sense of judgmental. She begins to identify the best suppportive environment in achieving what she wants, so as to elimate whichever blocks her way. She cried for losing her good friends who left this school. She frustrated for the classmates who irritates her for their selfishness, narrow-minded thinking and immature characters. Michelle knows what she wants and is bold enough to express and negotiate with the father.
She wants to get ride of 3 things:
- resign from the school basket ball team, purposely to concentrate her time in studying for better school result in order to change back to international school, or get in to a good Canadian university;
- leave the current group of school friends;
- leave the current school
I had followed God's patient love to have overcome Terence's rebellious period. Then, how about Michelle? I know her rebellious period will be over sometime but how should I walk with her? I think first of all I should not judge her but respect her expressiveness. Secondary, I should let her know that she should not solely depend on her own will and strength. To have faith in God's good plan for Michelle should be always in my heart.
A truly humble and grateful person will never rebel against God because he knows that even the very breath he breathes is a gift and calls for praiseful thanksgiving to the Father. How could I help Michelle to understand what is Ingratitude and be thankful to her blessed everything.
God will forgive any sin that is repented of—even if, through weakness, temptation, or habit, the sin is repeated. As long as a person's intention, attitude, and desire is to obey God, he will repent, and God will forgive him (I John 1:9). Jesus said we ought to forgive 70 times seven times (Matthew 18:21-22). God is even more willing to forgive than that!
I sincerely thanks my children for giving me a chance to learn about God's forgiveness. It's may be a matter of rebellious for teenagers, moreover it's a matter of patent love and forgiveness for every parent to learn. Because that not only helps our children to learn but to change their attitude prepare for the rest of their lives.
God gives everyone all the help, encouragement, and opportunity for success they need to inherit eternal life.
------------------------------------------------
Terence: rebellious on giving up himself (requires patience in love from parents) -->> from pride (poor in spirit) to become humble
Michelle: rebellious on judgmental on others (requires foregiveness from parents) -->> from ingratitude (I deserve better) to become grateful
Poor in spirit is contrary to that haughty, self-assertive and self-sufficient disposition that the world so much admires and praises. It is the reverse of an independent and defiant attitude that refuses to bow to God—that determines to brave things out against His will like Pharaoh, who said, "Who is the Lord, that I should obey His voice . . .?" (Exodus 5:2). A person who is poor in spirit realizes that he is nothing, has nothing, can do nothing—and needs everything, as Jesus said in John 15:5, "Without Me you can do nothing."
In his commentary, The Sermon on the Mount, Emmett Fox provides a practical description of what "poor in spirit" means:
To be poor in spirit means to have emptied yourself of all desire to exercise personal self-will, and, what is just as important, to have renounced all preconceived opinions in the whole-hearted search for God. It means to be willing to set aside your present habits of thought, your present views and prejudices, your present way of life if necessary; to jettison, in fact, anything and everything that can stand in the way of your finding God. (p. 22)
Poverty of spirit blooms as God reveals Himself to us and we become aware of His incredible holiness and towering mercy in even calling us to be forgiven and invited to be in His Family—to be like Him! This understanding awakens us to the painful discovery that all our righteousness truly is like filthy rags by comparison (Isaiah 64:6); our best performances are unacceptable. It brings us down to the dust before God. This realization corresponds to the Prodigal Son's experience in Luke 15:14 when "he began to be in want." Soon thereafter, Jesus says, he "came to himself" (verse 17), beginning the humbling journey back to his father, repentance and acceptance.
Monday, February 05, 2007
University with purpose
In last evening's year end family dinner, Ben's brother asked, "Will Terence study his undergraduate in Canada?"
Ben replied, "Solely by means of studying in Canada is meaningless. Terence has to be able to be admitted by a good and known university in Canada."
It is interesting that I and Ben are always having different perspective in looking at matters. With the same question, I may like to encourage Terence to choose his favorite and excel subject or area to study instead of solely by the name value of the university. Whether Terence is in a group of elite or not, sounds meaningless to me. His success is to be defined by his own term of life purpose and meaning.
The differences between me and Ben might also due to our grown up background. He is always good at study and stays with good schools and companies. May be so called a smooth and elite life. Well, I was not good at study but my live seems can accomodate a wider range of varieties in people and situations with much more tolerent capacity.
I dont say Ben is no good but his strong boundaries bind him in to a more protective or comfort zone life style. If one sees his success on how much he can achieve on himself that is also a focal point for one's life style. Ultimately, it's a matter of choice and no personal judgement should be taken.
However, if Terence is going to pursue his life with art, a rich sensation and effective communication mean to express life in both verbal and non-verbal ways may help him to understanding and create more about the life of others and himself respectively. This thought solely comes from my ignorance.
Ben replied, "Solely by means of studying in Canada is meaningless. Terence has to be able to be admitted by a good and known university in Canada."
It is interesting that I and Ben are always having different perspective in looking at matters. With the same question, I may like to encourage Terence to choose his favorite and excel subject or area to study instead of solely by the name value of the university. Whether Terence is in a group of elite or not, sounds meaningless to me. His success is to be defined by his own term of life purpose and meaning.
The differences between me and Ben might also due to our grown up background. He is always good at study and stays with good schools and companies. May be so called a smooth and elite life. Well, I was not good at study but my live seems can accomodate a wider range of varieties in people and situations with much more tolerent capacity.
I dont say Ben is no good but his strong boundaries bind him in to a more protective or comfort zone life style. If one sees his success on how much he can achieve on himself that is also a focal point for one's life style. Ultimately, it's a matter of choice and no personal judgement should be taken.
However, if Terence is going to pursue his life with art, a rich sensation and effective communication mean to express life in both verbal and non-verbal ways may help him to understanding and create more about the life of others and himself respectively. This thought solely comes from my ignorance.
Saturday, February 03, 2007
平凡中的特出
When we were watching the Globe Award, Ben and me agreed that "Stars" are always having their charisma. Then, I asked Ben, "how do you see your son, Terence?"
"He is a kind of 平凡中的特出" said Ben.
It was seldom for me to hearing Ben's appreciation about Terence so I asked, "What do you mean by Terence's 特出?"
"Terence is a kind of low profile person, yet he is excelled in his guitar music and production."
I was very pleased to hearing Ben comes to recognize Terence's passion and hard work in his interest of music, instead of what he commented that "He is nothing!" when Terence was 11 years old.
Amen!
"He is a kind of 平凡中的特出" said Ben.
It was seldom for me to hearing Ben's appreciation about Terence so I asked, "What do you mean by Terence's 特出?"
"Terence is a kind of low profile person, yet he is excelled in his guitar music and production."
I was very pleased to hearing Ben comes to recognize Terence's passion and hard work in his interest of music, instead of what he commented that "He is nothing!" when Terence was 11 years old.
Amen!
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
copy right
Terence told me that the copy right is getting very serious, even towards the young people. I was curious about his upset and asked why.
"Some of my schoolmates do not even want to pay HK$15 for my CD but said will get the download copy from the one who has already purchased from me. Isn't it a very serious problem?"
I shared his disappointment of not be respected and appreciated for his music creation.
Recently, Terence has put all the songs and music he has composed during the past 2 to 3 years in to a CD and sell to his schoolmates for HK$15 purposely to make some money for donating for his Greenpeace charity band show in his school.
While sharing his feeling, I was surprised to know the number of songs he has made - I guess over 20. I began to think.....
"Some of my schoolmates do not even want to pay HK$15 for my CD but said will get the download copy from the one who has already purchased from me. Isn't it a very serious problem?"
I shared his disappointment of not be respected and appreciated for his music creation.
Recently, Terence has put all the songs and music he has composed during the past 2 to 3 years in to a CD and sell to his schoolmates for HK$15 purposely to make some money for donating for his Greenpeace charity band show in his school.
While sharing his feeling, I was surprised to know the number of songs he has made - I guess over 20. I began to think.....
- What is in Terence's mind?
- Where are his sources of input? good or bad?
- How does he process them?
- What is his core value?
- What does he want to express those music with?
- What are those music mean to him?
- How will all these existing stuff affecting his growth and his future life?
- Why it happens to him?
Sunday, October 29, 2006
甚麽是「生活」？
Terence 問我 : 「甚麽是生活？」
「嘩，一個很難答的問題呀！」感到非常噩然的我為了不要令他失望便繼續說：「在我的立場來說，就是每天照顧 Daddy和你們、做好Coach的工作、關心外婆、做自己喜歡做的事、見自己想見的人等等吧。」
「為甚麽在人的生活上有那麽多的拺縛和社會的規距？」
「你覺得那是規距嗎？有什麽問題呢？」我好奇的問。
「那麽生活就不會快樂了！」
「二年前在去布吉島旅行中，你曾說過很響往那些操船作業的年青伙子，可以每日面對碧海藍天，那是不是你所希望的生活呢？」
「那些層次太低了。」
在不清楚他指的是那方面的層次中，我繼續問：「那麽你最希望活出的生活是甚樣的呢？」
Terence想了一會兒才說：「好以一個Budda坐在樹下思想人生吧！」
「你是指釋迦牟尼嗎？我想他也是由於關心社會才有此一著吧。那看來人的生活當中，總有其他人存在，便形成社會吧！你曾否試過好像釋迦牟尼的行為呢？」
「有呀！我曾經坐在草地上思想過。這樣一想便可用上一整天，但又要上班，怎算呢？！」
「嘩！你一定想了很多吧！花上整天去思想，難道你不用吃飯、上洗手間、照顧你的家人和休息嗎？」
「總之我不明白為甚麽要生活。」Terence的專注力開始減退，便談到此。
之後，我自己把這話題繼續思想下去.......「生命」與「生活」。雅各書4:13-17說 ：「.....主若願意，我們就可以活着，也可以做這事，或做那事。.........」 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of wisdom, love and sounded-mind."
我再把同一問題去問Michelle。她說：「生活是 - to live a life is "to love" and "be loved"。」
Well, to me to live on a life is "to realize the gratification of the given life with a chosen meaning and purpose as the motivation to live on, from where to create nice memories until we embrace them to ahead for the eternal life" .
「嘩，一個很難答的問題呀！」感到非常噩然的我為了不要令他失望便繼續說：「在我的立場來說，就是每天照顧 Daddy和你們、做好Coach的工作、關心外婆、做自己喜歡做的事、見自己想見的人等等吧。」
「為甚麽在人的生活上有那麽多的拺縛和社會的規距？」
「你覺得那是規距嗎？有什麽問題呢？」我好奇的問。
「那麽生活就不會快樂了！」
「二年前在去布吉島旅行中，你曾說過很響往那些操船作業的年青伙子，可以每日面對碧海藍天，那是不是你所希望的生活呢？」
「那些層次太低了。」
在不清楚他指的是那方面的層次中，我繼續問：「那麽你最希望活出的生活是甚樣的呢？」
Terence想了一會兒才說：「好以一個Budda坐在樹下思想人生吧！」
「你是指釋迦牟尼嗎？我想他也是由於關心社會才有此一著吧。那看來人的生活當中，總有其他人存在，便形成社會吧！你曾否試過好像釋迦牟尼的行為呢？」
「有呀！我曾經坐在草地上思想過。這樣一想便可用上一整天，但又要上班，怎算呢？！」
「嘩！你一定想了很多吧！花上整天去思想，難道你不用吃飯、上洗手間、照顧你的家人和休息嗎？」
「總之我不明白為甚麽要生活。」Terence的專注力開始減退，便談到此。
之後，我自己把這話題繼續思想下去.......「生命」與「生活」。雅各書4:13-17說 ：「.....主若願意，我們就可以活着，也可以做這事，或做那事。.........」 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of wisdom, love and sounded-mind."
我再把同一問題去問Michelle。她說：「生活是 - to live a life is "to love" and "be loved"。」
Well, to me to live on a life is "to realize the gratification of the given life with a chosen meaning and purpose as the motivation to live on, from where to create nice memories until we embrace them to ahead for the eternal life" .
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
2006的暑假
Terence對我說：「今年的暑假不錯。過去兩年我實在浪費了兩年的暑假。」
Terence今年剛考完GCE"O" level及已十六歲。這意味著什麼呢？
他不想参加HOPE在張家界教英文的義工團，因為他不喜歡中國，但卻提出想在香港做義工。感謝神的安排，Terence可以幫助他的表弟寶恆補習英文、又可以和其他teens在HOPE office做些文書工作、最後更幫美珍香在Food Expo做臨時工，跟有16年燒牛肉乾經驗的阿傑師傅學師，並賺取了一千元外塊。
這些經驗給他帶來的啟發頗有意義。Terence說：「看見入場参觀Food Expo的人，東看看，西吃吃，頗為逍灑。他們知否我們工作的是十分辛苦的呀！」
「做賣食物的人通常有多少人工呢？」
「我這两天，每天8小時在燒牛肉乾，現在閉上眼睛時，也可以看見牛肉乾飛來飛去。如果我每天都在燒牛肉乾，重覆那些動作，我相信我會變得蠢多了。」
「如果我做老板，我會多給那些辛勞的人高些人工，我自己拿少一點也可以。」
「我看見little auntie和姨丈一家人的生活不錯，他們是partner老板，可以做決策，員工又喜歡他們，又有時間和子女一起。」
8月24日開課了，Terence回校的第一件事，便是領取 GCE "O" Level 考試的成績，結果是3A4B2C1E。
Terence今年剛考完GCE"O" level及已十六歲。這意味著什麼呢？
他不想参加HOPE在張家界教英文的義工團，因為他不喜歡中國，但卻提出想在香港做義工。感謝神的安排，Terence可以幫助他的表弟寶恆補習英文、又可以和其他teens在HOPE office做些文書工作、最後更幫美珍香在Food Expo做臨時工，跟有16年燒牛肉乾經驗的阿傑師傅學師，並賺取了一千元外塊。
這些經驗給他帶來的啟發頗有意義。Terence說：「看見入場参觀Food Expo的人，東看看，西吃吃，頗為逍灑。他們知否我們工作的是十分辛苦的呀！」
「做賣食物的人通常有多少人工呢？」
「我這两天，每天8小時在燒牛肉乾，現在閉上眼睛時，也可以看見牛肉乾飛來飛去。如果我每天都在燒牛肉乾，重覆那些動作，我相信我會變得蠢多了。」
「如果我做老板，我會多給那些辛勞的人高些人工，我自己拿少一點也可以。」
「我看見little auntie和姨丈一家人的生活不錯，他們是partner老板，可以做決策，員工又喜歡他們，又有時間和子女一起。」
8月24日開課了，Terence回校的第一件事，便是領取 GCE "O" Level 考試的成績，結果是3A4B2C1E。
Monday, May 15, 2006
從音樂看他的價值觀
Terence在學校的音樂會中認識了他在音樂的措藝上欣賞的一名港大醫科ニ年生Adam，他們遇矣在網上用MSN交流音樂上的想法。有一天，Terence更很有興旨地把Adam放在他自己音樂網站上的相片給我看，一張是Adam穿上醫生袍和同學合照的學生相，另一張正是他瘋狂地投入他的音樂演凑時的表演相。不失為一個特別的現代青年人，有學歴又有自己的興趣及理想。
正是此時，Terence更向我提出想跟Adam學習彈結他。由於他一直都是自學，所以我也支持他的想法，使Terence可以在他的音樂尋求過程中有一個review，在幫他了解及理清了他在時間上的安排後，我們便同意Terence先學習數堂，然後便專心準備GCSE考試，等7月放暑假時再繼續學習。就這樣我亦樂意為他支付300元一小時的學費。
每次學習回來，他都很興奮的告訴我他所學習到的新東西，有些技巧雖然Terence在自學過程中也有發現及運用，但由於經過Adam的解釋，他便能懂得更活用及再發展那些技巧，他頓然發覺音樂中更廣闊的天空。
有一天，當Peter來我們家和Terence spend time時，Terence 把他跟Adam學到的技巧也毫無保留地教導了Peter， Peter也覺得難度極高，未能掌握。Terence解釋他自己也曾經用心地花了一定的時間去拴摩及領悟才能明白其中奥妙，真是不簡單的啊。Terence更告訴我Keein也想學和他亦同意教Keein。我便打趣的問Terence : 「如果你再跟Adam多學一些後，不是也可以教導其他人來賺取一些零用錢嗎？」 Terence 答 : 「我不可以收錢的，因為那些技巧不是我的，它們是Adam自創的，我要尊重。」
Well spoken!
正是此時，Terence更向我提出想跟Adam學習彈結他。由於他一直都是自學，所以我也支持他的想法，使Terence可以在他的音樂尋求過程中有一個review，在幫他了解及理清了他在時間上的安排後，我們便同意Terence先學習數堂，然後便專心準備GCSE考試，等7月放暑假時再繼續學習。就這樣我亦樂意為他支付300元一小時的學費。
每次學習回來，他都很興奮的告訴我他所學習到的新東西，有些技巧雖然Terence在自學過程中也有發現及運用，但由於經過Adam的解釋，他便能懂得更活用及再發展那些技巧，他頓然發覺音樂中更廣闊的天空。
有一天，當Peter來我們家和Terence spend time時，Terence 把他跟Adam學到的技巧也毫無保留地教導了Peter， Peter也覺得難度極高，未能掌握。Terence解釋他自己也曾經用心地花了一定的時間去拴摩及領悟才能明白其中奥妙，真是不簡單的啊。Terence更告訴我Keein也想學和他亦同意教Keein。我便打趣的問Terence : 「如果你再跟Adam多學一些後，不是也可以教導其他人來賺取一些零用錢嗎？」 Terence 答 : 「我不可以收錢的，因為那些技巧不是我的，它們是Adam自創的，我要尊重。」
Well spoken!
Thursday, June 23, 2005
終於也說了
When our way home after my mother's birthday dinner at Kowloon Bay, Terence asked me to go with him to Welcome for buying the body spray so we separated from Ben and Michelle. He got a big size Gillett Body Spray for HK$40.50.
We took MTR home as usual and on the way he talked a lot to me.
"Mom, I don't want to go to teens!!!!!!" Terence said with a reluctant tone. "Usually they have the BT on Saturday afternoon and then I could no more able to play music with my friends on Saturday."
"Is it possible for you to arrange the band practice prior to the BT?" I asked.
"Anyway, I don't want to go to teens! Saturday is my play time................"
"Well, do you want to stay at pre-teens until Michael and Brain all go to teens?"
"Yes, because I don't want to go to the Saturday stuff and get baptism. Stephan once asked me am I still going to church? They want you to get baptism."
I explained to Terence that, "It's not neccessary for you to get baptism unless that is what you want."
"I just dont know but that is my true feeling that I dont want to go to church. These days I go to church is simply because I can meet with my friends; Peter and Joushua."
"Terence, thank you for telling me your true feeling. Does it mean that you are getting less close to God?"
"Mom. it's my true feeling. I don't want to do bad things and I don't feel close to Satun."
"Then, do you really want to stop going to church in the near future?"
"That'll make people feel upset. I dont want to make them feel like that."
"Is it possible for you to discuss with them about how you feel and what you want to do about the Saturday BT schedule?"
"Mom, if I dont go every week that will border the others. I dont feel right doing that."
"Well, take more time to feel what you feel. We can talk more on this subject."
I have been seeing other pre-teens dropped off in the past few years, including Man Ho, Leo, Man Man, Kei Kei, Kar Hei. Now is my son telling me that he does not want to go to church. How I felt? No surpirse because he told me several times that he does not want to go to teens because of the Sat BT. But it's a fact that I heard from him about not wanting to go to church.
Shall I try to persuade him to stay or shall I let him make his decision and be responsible for the consequence too. I cannot stop anything to happen. At least I feel grateful that he is still honest to me and himself. I see God is testing him for his maturity to become a real young adult.
to be con't........
理清給與力量和決定
We took MTR home as usual and on the way he talked a lot to me.
"Mom, I don't want to go to teens!!!!!!" Terence said with a reluctant tone. "Usually they have the BT on Saturday afternoon and then I could no more able to play music with my friends on Saturday."
"Is it possible for you to arrange the band practice prior to the BT?" I asked.
"Anyway, I don't want to go to teens! Saturday is my play time................"
"Well, do you want to stay at pre-teens until Michael and Brain all go to teens?"
"Yes, because I don't want to go to the Saturday stuff and get baptism. Stephan once asked me am I still going to church? They want you to get baptism."
I explained to Terence that, "It's not neccessary for you to get baptism unless that is what you want."
"I just dont know but that is my true feeling that I dont want to go to church. These days I go to church is simply because I can meet with my friends; Peter and Joushua."
"Terence, thank you for telling me your true feeling. Does it mean that you are getting less close to God?"
"Mom. it's my true feeling. I don't want to do bad things and I don't feel close to Satun."
"Then, do you really want to stop going to church in the near future?"
"That'll make people feel upset. I dont want to make them feel like that."
"Is it possible for you to discuss with them about how you feel and what you want to do about the Saturday BT schedule?"
"Mom, if I dont go every week that will border the others. I dont feel right doing that."
"Well, take more time to feel what you feel. We can talk more on this subject."
I have been seeing other pre-teens dropped off in the past few years, including Man Ho, Leo, Man Man, Kei Kei, Kar Hei. Now is my son telling me that he does not want to go to church. How I felt? No surpirse because he told me several times that he does not want to go to teens because of the Sat BT. But it's a fact that I heard from him about not wanting to go to church.
Shall I try to persuade him to stay or shall I let him make his decision and be responsible for the consequence too. I cannot stop anything to happen. At least I feel grateful that he is still honest to me and himself. I see God is testing him for his maturity to become a real young adult.
to be con't........
理清給與力量和決定
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